As I look behind me I see a precipice leading down to the horror, pain and sadness of losing Terri; the lost opportunities to say do the right things: how could we let her 'slip through our fingers' like that? Terri should have been at our sides over Christmas. I miss her first thing in the morning; every hour in the day; every lonely evening and every solitary night! There is also the horror of that hellhole of Derriford Hospital: five emergency admissions; my gallbladder removed twice; the indifference, negligence and mistreatment. I'm not afraid of death: onlyDerriford!! As I look in front of me I see a rocky path down a steep cliff into an abyss, which I have to climb alone, without Terri. That path is missing the opportunities should have been Terri's future and my future with her. Soon I will fall into that abyss, alone and afraid, without Terri to comfort me, perhaps from that same hellhole of Derriford hospital. The only solace is having good friends.