At last I have identified what is tormenting me, it is the FINALITY of Terri's leaving: on one hand I need to say what was left unsaid, take back what was said but shouldn't have been said, and ask a thousand questions; but on the other hand is the FINALITY -I can't. It is this torment that induces panic attacks just like not being able to breathe or being trapped or claustrophobia. There is no cure.